КАК ДА ПОДОБРИМ САМОЧУВСТВИЕТО СИ

Провокирана от една от днешните си сесии, се захванах да синтезирам нагледно и с практичка насоченост, неколцина техники, които биха спомогнали за повишаване на самочувствието.

 

Преди да започна да изброявам някои начини за самопомощ, ми се ще да направя важното уточнение, че ниската самооценка и недостатъчното самочувствие нямат нищо общо с интелигентността. „Неинтелигентните” хора, или онези, които не са отлични теоретици, обикновено често са били подигравани в миналото от недоброжелателна среда, във връзка с тези им пропуски. В следствие тези събития, те стават толкова плахи и несигурни, че обикновено от страх и вцепенение повтарят едни и същи грешки. Въртят се в порочен дяволски кръг, от който излизането е трудно. И тъй като по слабо интелигентните и не дотам заинтересовани деца, не се стимулират допълнително от обучителната система, самочувствието им често бива пречупено. Подходяща терапия , консултация с психолог биха могли да дадат светлина в тунела.

Високата интелигентност също не е гаранция за стабилно самочувствие и реална оценка на себе си. Напротив : хората с висок интелект често са несигурни, те навлизат в дълбок анализ на всичко, което ги заобгражда. Склонни са да рационализират и да искат да разберат всичко до най-малкия детайл.  От това страда тяхната тяхната спонтанност и умението им да „изживяват”. Често те биват свръх-критични и взискателни към себе си. Консултациите със специалист са от полза за намиране на баланса и вътрешния комфорт при тях.

Има и една трета група хора. Те са случаи за задължителна психотерапия.

Тези със свръх високо самочувствие, самонадеяни, егоистични, надменни, горделиви, самолюбиви, властолюбиви. Те са склонни да стигат до садизъм и жестокост. При тях е необходима корекция на поведението, която да съчетае спокойната увереност в себе си , придружена с чувство за лично достойнство, себеуважение и зачитане на личността на околните.

Причините за ниското самочувствие биват много, но тъй като днес няма да се спирам на тях, ще обобщя само, че най-силно в основата му залягат грешки на родителите при възпитанието.

И така, сам, или с помощта на психолога, сте стигнали се до прозрение за себе си, което ви подсказва неприятната реалност, че не ви достига обич, приемане и вяра във вашето Аз, такова, каквото е.

Какво бихте могли да правите за повишаване на самочувствието си:

  1. Обичайте се безапелационно! Повтаряйте си всеки ден пред огледалото, че се харесвате и приемате , такъв какъвто сте, независимо от грешките в миналото и недостатъците си. Че приемате себе си, тялото си, изборите си.
  2. Грижете за себе си. За човек, който обича себе си, е от първостепенна важност , да се грижи за здравето си. Хранете се здравословно, спете редовно. Осигурявайте си почивки и развлечения. Движете се, спортувайте. Бъдете сред природата винаги като ви се отдаде възможност.
  3. Обличайте се красиво! Дамите – гримирайте се, грижете се за ноктите и косите си! Отделяйте време се за визията си. Грижата за външния вид едновременно повишава самочувствието ви и буди уважение и симпатии у околните. Занемареният външен вид и дрехи, измачкани, стари, прашни обувки, скъсани кецове – говорят за ниско самочувствие и нелюбов и неуважение към себе си.
  4. Общувайте с позитивни хора. Допускайте до вътрешния си кръг само онези, които ви харесват или тези, в които виждате ценни качества, които вие не притежавате, но искате да развиете у себе си. Не се влияйте от статуса на човека. Ако нещо у него ви отблъсква, независимо от постиженията му в служебен или личен план, слушайте вътрешния глас и интуицията си и се дистанцирайте. Правете първата крачка при запознанства общувайте с различни хора, опитвайте. Когато цените някой високо и искрено му се възхищавате, не се спирайте да го заговорите – това би бил признак за ниско самочувствие.  Ако той не прояви желание да комуникира с вас, не го приемайте лично. Интересувайте се от него, от мнението му по различни въпроси, от живота му. Така ще разберете как е постигнал онова, което ви харесва у него. 
  5. Сравнявайки се с другите, не допускайте това да понижава самочувствието ви. Да, много хора имат неща и качества, които няма у вас. Градивното не е да си посипвате главата с пепел, че сте некадърен, а да се стремите да ги развиете у вас. И във времето ви на развитие да се обръщате назад във времето и да сравнявате сегашното си Аз с онова, което е било преди. За да може да регистрирате напредъка си и да се похвалите за него! В живота успяват уверените хора. Често те са тези, с които се сравнявате. Не забравяйте, че те просто умеят да изтъкнат своите позитиви. Което далеч не означава , че у тях няма скрити слаби и не дотам добри страни. „Каквото мислите за себе си- това ще виждат и другите у вас!”
  6. Не си създавате идоли, кумири, гурута и божества! Идеализирането на някой друг е вредно и нереално. То със сигурност води до понижаване на самочувствието ви и не помага в дългосрочен план.
  7. Дръжте се така, сякаш всички ви харесват и обичат. Демонстрирайте позитивно отношение, висока самооценка и спокойствие при нови срещи. За да постигнете дадена цел, винаги първо я визуализирайте, представете си, изживейте я в съзнанието си и я постигнете на ум. Нека излъчването ви казва : „Аз се харесвам и уважавам и знам, че и ти ме харесваш и уважаваш”.
  8. Бъдете благодарни и доволни от всичко, което сте постигнали до тук! 

Неудовлетворението от постигнатото е много вредно за психическото ви здраве. То ви прави потиснати, неспокойни, буди песимистични мисли и нагласи. Пречи ви да се чувствате важен и ценен. Прекалената амбиция води до властова невроза и неумение да се насладите на всяка малка победа. В последствие може да се стигне до болест и депресия.

  1. Забравете миналото. Затворете вратата зад вас, не се обръщайте назад и присъствайте в живота си. Сега! Изтрийте завинаги минали грешки, лош опит и неуспехи. Те са невъзвратими. Губим много енергия и разбиваме психиката си безсмислено. Не казвайте – „аз сгреших”. Бъдете снизходителни към себе си и осъзнайте, че сте постъпили така, както сте считали за правилно към онзи даден момент. Че към онзи ден това са били вашите ресурси. Това е бил тогавашния ви житейския опит и знания. Това са били уроците в живота ви, от които сте извадили изводите си. Ако някой не приема искрените ви извинения за нещо и ви съди дълго и назидателно  – дистанцирайте се. Такова поведение може да развие у вас трайно чувство за непълноценност и липса на самоуважение. Дайте му време, но не оставяйте да ви тъпчат. Прощавайте на хората и забравяйте обидата. Но нека избора ви  да простите не е причина да позволите на същия човек да ви наранява и да злоупотребява. Причислите към някой от по-външните кръгове на живота ви. Ако сте важен за него, той ще намери начин да бъде допуснат отново близо до сърцето ви. 
  2. Изразявайте свободно мислите си, чувствата си и емоциите си. Правете го без страх от околните и опасения за тяхното мнение. Този вид свобода е характерен за хората с добро самочувствие. В отношенията с другите, заявявайте смело какво искате. За да получите нещо, трябва да го поискате! Поставяйте смело изискванията и границите си. В противен случай ще служите за осъществяването на чуждите цели и желания.

Следва продължение.

 

Полина Василева,

психолог и писател

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